Going back through my writing, I came across an old post set to “Private” that made me think about my words and my faith. Over seven years ago, I wrote the following:
I have learned as I get older that my built-in filter is not as strong as it used to be. Previously, I measured every single word by what kind of impression it would make, but I let my filter slip. Is it an “age thing”? Do we feel like it’s okay to express our “honest opinion” more as we get older? Is it a “moral thing”? Was I more conscious of other people’s feelings when I was younger? I don’t know the answer, but I do know that it’s not always a good thing when my filter fails. I don’t want to be afraid to express my opinion in a civil and kind manner, but I don’t want to be so blunt that I’m cruel. Verbal cruelty has always been a sensitive spot for me so I don’t want to do the same thing to someone else.
Whether I am working in my part-time office position, teaching computer classes, dealing with family or friends, interacting with people online, or just communicating with strangers while I’m running errands, I have learned to filter my words so as not to create strife. Occasionally, I slip up and say something awkward, but I try not to be harmful with my words.
Perhaps because I remember a few of the verbal arrows thrown at me during school or being cussed at when I was a public librarian, I find myself checking and re-checking what I’ve said in my head after a conversation. Did it sound okay? Should I correct anything? Do I owe anyone an apology? Why is it so ingrained in some of us to worry so much about our words? Maybe it is because the Holy Word gives us so much feedback on the tongue and what we say.
- Psalm 34:13 – Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from deceitful speech.
- Psalm 141:3 – Lord, set up a guard for my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips.
- Proverbs 11:13 – A gossip goes around revealing a secret, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.
- Proverbs 12:18 – There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
- Proverbs 15:1-4 – A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge attractive, but the mouth of fools blurts out foolishness. The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, observing the wicked and the good. The tongue that heals is a tree of life, but a devious tongue breaks the spirit.
- Proverbs 16:28 – A contrary person spreads conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
- Proverbs 18:21 – Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
- Proverbs 20:19 – The one who reveals secrets is a constant gossip; avoid someone with a big mouth.
- Proverbs 21:23 – The one who guards his mouth and tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
- Matthew 12:36 – I tell you that on the day of judgment people will have to account for every careless word they speak. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.
- Ephesians 4:29-32 – No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by him for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
- Philippians 2:14-16 – Do everything without grumbling and arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God who are faultless in a crooked and perverted generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world, by holding firm to the word of life. Then I can boast in the day of Christ that I didn’t run or labor for nothing.
- Colossians 3:8-10 – But now, put away all the following: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and filthy language from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self. You are being renewed in knowledge according to the image of your Creator.
- Colossians 4:6 – Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.
- James 1:19 – My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.
- James 1:26 – If anyone thinks he is religious without controlling his tongue, his religion is useless and he deceives himself.
- James 3:5-10 – So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how a small fire sets ablaze a large forest. And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among our members. It stains the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. Every kind of animal, bird, reptile, and fish is tamed and has been tamed by humankind, but no one can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in God’s likeness. Blessing and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, these things should not be this way.
- 1 Peter 3:10-12 – Finally, all of you be like-minded and sympathetic, love one another, and be compassionate and humble, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing, since you were called for this, so that you may inherit a blessing. For the one who wants to love life and to see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit, and let him turn away from evil and do what is good. Let him seek peace and pursue it, because the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do what is evil.
We can see that the Word of God has a lot to say about our words. It’s important to take care with our own words and filter them according to the Word. It’s also important to listen to the words of others to see if they match their behaviors, and it matters if our own words match our actions.
Several years ago, I was learning to deal with my filter so my words didn’t hurt others, and these are the things I had already learned:
First, just because it’s my honest opinion does not mean that I need to express it. Second, it’s possible to express an honest opinion without being openly critical. Third, I should take care when expressing an honest opinion to strike the balance between honesty and kindness. I want to be certain that my filter is always working even if I don’t always need to use it. I don’t ever want to hurt someone by failing to use my filter when I need to use it. I want to have an open dialogue with anyone around me, and I want everyone to feel comfortable talking to me. It’s my responsibility to use that filter properly. Filter on, filter off – just so long as it’s on or off at the right times.
Words matter. How we use our words when we disagree with others is important. When I interact with anyone, I’m setting an example. As followers of Jesus Christ, our filter matters.
Reference:
The Christian Standard Bible. (2017). Holman Bible Publishers.
All Things Subject to Change 