After a couple of weeks, there comes a time when a caregiver must sit down and assess tasks that aren’t related to caregiving directly. Today, I sat down to pay bills before they went overdue, and I experienced a moment of panic. Did I pay my car insurance that was due on April 16th? I’m not one for missing bills, but my brain has been so tired that I could not dredge up a memory of whether I paid the car insurance or not. Email to the rescue. There, in my messages, was an acknowledgement of payment earlier this month before the due date. Imagine a sigh of relief here.
Let’s keep in mind that most caregivers are not medical professionals. We often have “day” jobs we do to make money. For instance, I write and teach basic computer skills. For family caregivers, it isn’t exactly like someone comes in and trains us in how to deal with emergency situations. We handle things as they come, and after a while, it can feel like you’re operating in survival mode. That’s exactly where I’ve been for the past two weeks. Last Thursday was the first time in a while since I’d just been able to sit down and work on the computer without rushing out of the house to take care of something. Even then, my brain felt like mush. Yesterday, after taking family to doctors’ appointments, I came home, lay down, and fell into a deep sleep for about an hour and a half. It’s some of the best sleep I’ve had in two weeks.
Caregivers reach panic points out of exhaustion, but it’s in our nature to just pick up and keep going. After thinking I had missed an insurance payment, I was already planning how to right the ship. Caregivers seem to have an automatic “fix-it” mode we go into when we reach a panic point because panic doesn’t help a situation. We may allow the panic to flare for a moment, but we quickly move toward a plan to make things better. Honestly, it’s what keeps us sane. Step-by-step processes keep our minds focused on the tasks we know we can do while doctors, nurses, and other professionals handle the things we can’t do.
Even though caregiving in times of family illness is stressful, the result is that I’ve become a calmer and more resilient individual. Nothing work-related feels like the end of the world. If a project fails, I just move on to a new project. If a project takes longer to succeed, I’ve learned patience from awaiting test results and sitting in waiting rooms. When I feel overwhelmed, I go back to step-by-step processes to get back on track. There is nothing about work that will ever outweigh the needs of my family and nothing that will be as amazing as my family.
Caregiving has given me perspective, and the associated panic points have taught me how to handle work stress. Don’t get me wrong. I’d rather have learned it in other ways, but if I’m honest, all the responsibilities of caregiving have made me a better person. Even stressful things can do that. I don’t wish caregiving responsibilities on anyone when a family health crisis occurs, but odds are that it will occur at some point in your life. You’ll be called upon to be the driver, errand runner, note taker, bill payer, maid, or quasi-nurse. In the moment, you may really struggle to find how good will come from it, but given enough time, I hope you will find those ironic benefits of one of the most stressful times in your life. All kinds of things get thrown at us, but we decide how we deal with them.
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Inspirational Verse for the Day:
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26, CSB)
All Things Subject to Change 