We often hear people say they like it when someone is the same person all the time, but for a long time I’ve been wondering if it’s possible to be the same way all the time. In my library career, there were times when I found myself being a public speaker whether it was to promote the library to the public or educate the individuals responsible for library funding. Now I find myself speaking at church on a regular basis. The odd thing is that I don’t really love to do it, and I only do it because it is a requirement or expectation of what I do. I even had someone ask me at a library event once if I was the same person on stage as she had been accustomed to seeing at the training sessions. At church, people ask me how I stand up in front of the congregation and speak, and I always answer, “I do it afraid.” That’s the truth because I’m always afraid when I’m up speaking. I’ve just learned to do it despite the fear because it needs to be done.
It feels like I split myself in those moments. There is the “business-minded” me who understands I must do what needs to be done, and there is the “real” me who is afraid of being up in front of people putting myself on display. It reminds me of Jill Briscoe’s book, Here Am I, Lord…Send Somebody Else. In the book, she talks about using your talents when they are needed and putting them away when they are not. I do this all the time. I put on my business face when it is necessary, and I sound like a professional rattling off information. Other times, I put on my real face and live life as it comes.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently as my writing has had to take a back seat to caregiving duties for family. This last month, I’ve been using my caregiving skills more frequently than my writing skills, but they are both a part of me. Like Jill Briscoe, sometimes I need to temporarily store away parts of me to get the things done which need other parts of me. It doesn’t mean I’m not myself. It just means I need to be the right version of me in certain times, and the other versions of me need to take a break.
If it feels like you aren’t being your authentic self, take a moment and step back. Sometimes, it isn’t that we aren’t authentic. It is that we are who we need to be in the moment. We are splitting parts of ourselves away temporarily and storing them so we can handle whatever the job, crisis, or expectation is at any given time. I often laugh to myself because family and friends didn’t get an opportunity to see me be a librarian very much even in a career of more than twenty years. If they had been able to observe me during my career, they would have sometimes wondered just who they were seeing. Instead of the quiet, smiling woman they thought they knew, they would have wondered who the lady was that looked a young man in the eye and told him she would help him if he would quit cussing. They would have wondered about the creature who launched out of her seat one day to deal with an obnoxious guy by letting him see she was nearly as big as he was while politely letting him know he should shove his attitude where the sun didn’t shine.
My “real” self tends to be happy, positive, awkward, introverted, and optimistic, but there are moments when reality hits. Reality helps me see the world as it is while my other qualities help me deal with it. All these parts of myself bleed into my writing, and it wouldn’t be as balanced without all the different elements that make up me. Most of the time, we’re all just trying to survive from one day to the next. Don’t let someone convince you that you have to be the same way all the time. Different situations call for different qualities and talents. Don’t be afraid to pull out the hidden ones every now and then to let people see all the facets of who you are, but be comfortable with putting away parts of yourself that you may not need or want to use all the time. Be the version of you that handles what needs to be done each day. All those traits, qualities, and parts are still the authentic version of yourself.
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Inspirational Verses for the Day:
Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God—who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly—and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without doubting. (James 1:5-6, CSB)
All Things Subject to Change 