Caregiving responsibilities are one of the major reasons I quit working for other people full-time. I needed to be able to go to family without applying for leave or notifying a boss. Yes, I know that it’s the responsible thing to do when you work for someone else. That should go without saying. I just came to a point where it was exhausting to be constantly asking a Dickens line of my bosses, “Please, sir, may I have some more [time, that is]?” I left working for others so I could go to family when I needed without checking for anyone’s approval. Not working for someone else has greatly decreased the stress that existed in my life.
However, there is a new form of stress that I’ve learned to deal with since changing my employment. When caregiving requires unexpected appointments, something occurs which I like to call “the slowdown.” It’s when things are in slow motion while you wait to find out what caused a new injury, pain, or symptom. It’s waiting for answers that you might not want to hear. It’s the mild constant distraction going on in your brain when you want to know the results. Your family experiences it, and you, as the caregiver, experience it as well whether it’s while you work, rest, or relax. Your mind feels like it’s churning mud.
That may sound worse than the stress of working for someone else, but keep in mind that for several years, I worked for someone else while shouldering caregiving responsibilities. When illnesses or injuries occurred, I not only had to ask permission to take off work to be with my family, but I had to deal with the stress of awaiting test results while working a full-time job. On top of that, I worked with the public which is a less-than-ideal place to work when you are stressed. While dealing with “the slowdown” of personal matters, I would also have to deal with keeping my schedule according to someone else’s expectations, work with customers who thought their personal wants mattered more than anything else, and try to keep a smile on my face the whole time. When I nearly went to the counter to fight with a patron and a friend sent me outside for a cooldown walk, I realized it was time to change careers.
I’ve mentioned before how much I love writing and why it is so important to me to establish a career in this field. I also realized that writing would give me the freedom to be a better caregiver to my family members. Yes, caregiving is stressful, and trying to make a living in this field puts the “starving writer” stereotype in front of me all the time. However, choosing this career path has freed me from stress I didn’t even know was damaging my mind, body, and soul. I still flinch when I see a confrontation because my self-confidence was so damaged after working with the public for so long, but I’m better off than I was before. The slowdowns are easier to handle now because I don’t have to deal with the responsibilities of working for someone else. I can just focus on the best way to help my family on a schedule that works for us.
I know you may not be able to quit working for someone else. You may be juggling caregiving responsibilities AND working full time. First, you have my full sympathy because I’ve been in your shoes. Second, know your priorities. Does work come first or does family? I made the mistake many years ago of putting work first, and it’s a regret that follows me to this day. I no longer give work that kind of power over me, and it’s okay for you to adjust your family priorities. Just remember that regrets linger long after your family is gone. It’s okay to put work aside to be with family during “the slowdowns.” Work and workers are always replaceable, but family is not.
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Inspirational Verse for the Day:
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Luke 12:34, CSB)
All Things Subject to Change 