Coming from a small town and having graduated at the top of my class, few teachers in high school had heavily critiqued my writing, and it led to some arrogance and over-confidence on my part. I decided to attend a large state university when I graduated so I could be a little fish in a very big pond for a while. It was the start of a major growing experience for me, and it began with one incident in the first semester.
Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18, CSB)
My freshman year of college, I was blessed to have a thoughtful English professor. I honestly can’t tell you what the subject of my paper was, but I remember when I had my first consultation with her about it. After years of being praised as a great student, this professor quietly explained to me what was wrong with my paper. I felt tears fill my eyes as I realized that my great work apparently wasn’t so great. I stared at the pages in my hand and then looked up at my professor. When she took one look at my face, she instantly realized that I wasn’t accustomed to this level of frankness about my writing.
She went on to explain that my paper was still a good paper, but it could be so much better if I listened to and applied her thoughtful criticism. She said one thing that has always stuck with me: [paraphrased] “This isn’t personal. I’m trying to make you a better writer.” With that, my tears dried up. It wasn’t that my work was terrible. Instead, this was an opportunity for me to improve my skills. I walked away from that meeting humbled and wiser, and I’ve never forgotten her advice. When I struggle with accepting criticism, I think back to her words.
Brothers and sisters, if someone is overtaken in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual, restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so that you also won’t be tempted. (Galatians 6:1, CSB)
I didn’t instantly grow up because of my professor’s advice, but I matured a little bit that day. Her advice has been working on me ever since, and I believe God put her in my life right then to teach me something. He’s been working on my character for quite a while now. Also, He put her there to teach me how criticism should be delivered. I’m guilty of being too blunt sometimes, and I’ve had to ask for forgiveness. Finally, her comment taught me how to distinguish between useful criticism and bitter criticism as a person and a writer.
As a young adult, I absorbed the constructive criticism from my professor, but it took a while for me to quit taking it personally when someone criticized my work, character, or skills. It took longer for me to process the underlying issue: arrogance and pride. I had been so accustomed to being complimented that I got comfortable with that. As an adult, I’ve learned to take a step back and look at myself with a more critical eye. A few years ago, I came across papers I had written in college, and I remarked to a friend how arrogant I sounded in my opinions. I cringe when I think about it because, as a middle-aged adult, I’m aware that I’m a flawed individual just like everyone else. I often look at other people now and think, “I hope I can be more like them,” because they have admirable qualities.
Anyone who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever listens to correction acquires good sense. (Proverbs 15:32, CSB)
God often places people in our lives to have an impact that may not make sense to us for many years, but this was a situation in which God placed someone in my life to give me advice that I’ve used ever since. If we demand that people accept our decisions without taking any accountability, we will eventually find ourselves on the outside looking in and trying to pick up the pieces of our failure. Constructive criticism is about assessing what we have done and taking responsibility for the quality of our decisions, work, and words. We need to be willing to hear what other people have to say about us even if it stings a bit. Let constructive criticism do its job to improve us, and let the bitter criticism go.
All Things Subject to Change 