Some time ago, I was asking myself, “Why am I so angry all the time?” It’s an odd attitude for me, and I realized that something was off. In between bouts of anger and related distrust, I began to pray about the root of the problem. After some pondering, I kept coming back to a work situation related to a previous job. Without too much detail, it was a job that involved a political situation, and I saw a lot of behaviors that changed how I felt about people. I also found myself getting angry and judging people. The whole situation made me furious and broke my trust in people, and worse, I let it affect my trust in God.
For human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness. (James 1:20, CSB)
I kept struggling with getting past the anger. I prayed and got mad. I got mad and prayed. It went on like this until I finally told God that I couldn’t handle it anymore. The anger was just too stressful. That was when I felt a profound question and statement in my soul. I felt like God was saying, “Why are you so angry at them? They didn’t sin against you. They sinned against me.” It brought me up short. He was right.
Against you—you alone—I have sinned and done this evil in your sight. So you are right when you pass sentence; you are blameless when you judge. (from David’s prayer when he sinned, Psalm 51:4, CSB)
None of the people involved intentionally hurt me. Instead, they had all been kind and helpful for the most part. I just got caught in the middle of a political situation. What bothered me was seeing how people behaved toward each other and how I started behaving in response. I was angry even in the middle of it. The situation became so uncomfortable I began to pray for God’s guidance about what to do. I had seen too much and now knew how things operated in political situations and how people turned on each other. I decided to leave the position so I wouldn’t find myself making moral compromises, but it still left me with lingering anger.
Thinking back on the “light bulb” moment, God was completely right. None of the people involved did anything against me personally. Some of them crossed moral lines – not legal, as far as I know – while calling themselves Christians. They behaved in a sinful manner toward others and excused it in the name of politics. They didn’t sin against me, but they did sin against God. They played the “Christian” card in public, but they didn’t back it up with private behavior. It was a tough professional pill to swallow.
I’m still working on rebuilding my trust in people, and I don’t know if it will ever be the same. More importantly, God started working on my trust issues with Him. Life happens, but we decide how we deal with it. I can accept that my trust in people is altered, but I want my trust in God to be in full operation. He’s breaking down the walls, and I’m accepting the redesign of the Master Carpenter.
If you find yourself carrying around an emotion that is out of the ordinary for you, it’s time to sit down and have a chat with God. Why is it happening? What is the source? How do you deal with it? God expected me to hand over my anger to Him and let Him deal with the consequences of other people’s actions. Sometimes, we find ourselves holding on to things that God wants us to let go of and give to Him. I still catch myself getting angry over the memory, and then I have to remember that it’s out of my hands and in the much more capable hands of God. Whether it is anger, gossip, negativity, toxicity, jealousy, or some other negative emotion you are dealing with at work, give it to the Lord, and ask Him to take care of the people involved. Admit when enough is enough. It’s a much lighter load to bear.
Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10, CSB)
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7, CSB)
All Things Subject to Change 